All Of Arnold Schwarzenegger's 'Commando' Kills, Ranked

All Arnold Schwarzeneggers Commandokills

There's an excellent moment in the Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie ' Commando ' where flight attendant Cindy sums up every single ridiculous plot point in an equally ridiculous rant.

'You steal my car,' she says, 'you rip the seat out, you kidnap me, you ask me to help you find your daughter which I very kindly do, and then you get me involved in a shoot out where people are dying and there's blood spurting all over the place, and then I watch you rip a phone booth out of a wall, swing from the ceiling like Tarzan, and then there's a cop that's going to shoot you and I save you and they start chasing me. Are you going to tell me what's going on or what?'

His response? 'No.' Of course.

20th Century Fox

Welcome to 'Commando,' one of the most underrated films in the entire Schwarzenegger catalogue . He plays John Matrix, a retired commando who springs back into action when terrorists kidnap his daughter and threaten to kill her unless he cooperates with their demands. Spoiler alert : He does not cooperate with their demands, and they don't kill his daughter, because he kills all of them first, and Sully last. (Okay, maybe there's a lie in there somewhere.) Even though it's not named 'Terminator,' there's a real argument that 'Commando' is the most lethal Schwarzenegger movie of them all — and it's all thanks to the final 30 minutes.

Today, 'Commando' turns 30, and in honor of the milestone, let's look at all of Schwarzenegger's crazy kills in the movie, starting with the non-human and inanimate objects, and progressing into one of the most absurd ballets of blood ever put forth on screen. It should go without saying that the following images are not for the faint of heart.

  1. The Tree 20th Century Fox

    They don't call him the Austrian Oak for nothing.

  2. The Sandwich 20th Century Fox

    He crushed that tuna salad.

  3. The Car Seat 20th Century Fox

    I'm still not sure why he needed to do this, but I'm glad he did.

  4. The Mall Decor 20th Century Fox

    See earlier comment about swinging like Tarzan.

  5. The Phone Booth 20th Century Fox

    Just one of the many bad things inflicted upon Sully.

  6. The Gun Store 20th Century Fox

    Who needs a front door when you have a bulldozer?

  7. The Knockout Punch 20th Century Fox

    Okay, now we're starting to get into the people. This is an unconfirmed kill, but one can assume the punch to the face killed this man instantly, given all the other feats of strength we've witnessed.

  8. The Fly-By Shooting 20th Century Fox

    They missed the plane.

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  9. The Jungle Man 20th Century Fox

    He's bushed.

  10. The Snapping Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    One of Matrix's favorite moves.

  11. The Stabbing Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    See previous.

  12. The Slashing Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    See previous, and the one before that.

  13. The Shooting Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    See previous, previous and previous.

  14. The Other Shooting Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    Same story, different dude.

  15. The Jumping Sneak Attack 20th Century Fox

    The final sneak attack.

  16. The Twin Throwing Knives 20th Century Fox

    Two at a time.

  17. The Projectile Knife 20th Century Fox

    Spring-loaded Schwarzenegger FTW.

  18. The Tower Drop 20th Century Fox

    It's a long fall.

  19. Adios, Arius 20th Century Fox

    Bye-a, Dan Hedaya.

  20. The Rocket Launcher 20th Century Fox

    He's on fire!

  21. The Coordinated Land Mine Assault 20th Century Fox

    They're ALL on fire.

  22. The Courtyard Assault 20th Century Fox


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  23. The Courtyard Assault Part Deux 20th Century Fox

    Still brutal.

  24. The Courtyard Assault: Tokyo Drift 20th Century Fox

    The brutality, it does not stop.

  25. Courtyard Assault 4Ever 20th Century Fox

    Starting to lose count of the bodies over here.

  26. Courtyard Assault 5: None Left Alive 20th Century Fox


  27. The Final Courtyard Assault 20th Century Fox

    That was exhausting.

  28. Mac's Motel Murder 20th Century Fox

    Anytime, Bill Duke. Anytime.

  29. The Steam Punk 20th Century Fox

    Bye bye, Bennett.

  30. Right? 20th Century Fox


  31. The Garden Maneuver 20th Century Fox

    Fresh out of ammo, Matrix turns an entire tool shed into an instrument of death. Unreal.

  32. Airplane Mode 20th Century Fox

    He's dead tired.

  33. HEY SULLY 20th Century Fox

    Remember when I told you I'd rank you last? I LIED.