Every American Horror Story Season 6 Teaser, Ranked By Believability

Every American Horror Story Season 6 Teaser

The Season 6 premiere of American Horror Story is right around the corner, yet Ryan Murphy continues to troll us with a string of terrifying teasers that make absolutely zero sense. From alien invasions to creepy mist monsters and even creepier children of the corn, these teasers are a total mixed bag, which we guess is the point of the network’s confusing marketing strategy.

In August, FX boss John Landgraf admitted that the network had been releasing fake teasers for hypothetical seasons of AHS , focusing on different genres and different places, in an effort to keep the fans guessing this season. Among the many misdirects, however, is the actual teaser for Season 6. Unfortunately, we have no idea which one that is — but that hasn’t stopped us from trying to guess.

Here’s every American Horror Story Season 6 teaser released so far, ranked in order of believability from least to most.

  1. Blind Date https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT9xRIh8ZmI

    This promo emulates the delicious campiness of horror B-movies as a young woman is dragged into a lagoon by a reptile-like monster, only to emerge with the creature’s scaly hand romantically entwined with hers. Now, we know AHS has obvious ties to Hollywood — it’s been a constant theme since Season 1 — but Murphy himself said that Season 6 wouldn’t be nearly as opulent as Hotel . For that reason alone, Blind Date feels like the biggest reach.

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  2. The Shadow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O_6AWhezvU

    Again, this feels too stylistic and Hollywood for Season 6. Murphy described the forthcoming season as more rogue and more dark. This just doesn’t fit that description.

  3. Blink https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3v0LM5Zecc

    Sure, swallowing eyeballs is weird and gross, but it feels almost too predictable for a show like American Horror Story .

  4. Self Preservation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rczB38AgRL4

    Rubber Man, is that you? Shadow Demon? Smoke Monster? A? Lady Gaga?! Who knows — and frankly, who cares? This is not ?6 ’s theme.

  5. Bathing Beauty https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YetS3xQK6I

    This promo definitely gets points for artistic vision (and nothing freaks me out more than a clump of wet, gnarled-up hair on the bathtub drain *shivers*). But the Beetlejuice -inspired monster that pops up out of nowhere? Nope. Not buying it.

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  6. What’s Cooking? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyNgrZEfnoo

    We’ve already seen The Amityville Horror . We don’t need another one. The chainsaw was a nice touch, though.

  7. Descent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0R9Qkrua2E

    This feels like it was cut from Asylum , and therefore, we are not convinced it has anything to do with Season 6.

  8. Post Op https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1uucXO71dg

    See above.

  9. Milli Crossing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW_PNsCrh2g

    Yes, that actress looks a lot like Lady Gaga’s character, The Countess, in Hotel . However, this doesn’t fit the rogue and dark tone of Season 6. If anything, this promo wanted to capitalize on Gaga’s likeness and our universal gag reflex for creepy-crawlies.

  10. Backtrack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35UigjjPEE4

    Although this promo does match the AHS Season 6 poster that was released in August — in which a women had spider legs for eyelashes — it’s also possible that the poster was a misdirect.

  11. Bite Sized https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x68TJuHDPFQ

    Again with the spiders? NO.

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  12. The Visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DxS4h_lf5U

    As much as we’d love a good alien invasion story line, this promo is boring, and I don’t want to give it the satisfaction of being believable.

  13. Baby Face https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-d-vA1Ljgo

    Try harder, Murphy.

  14. Camp Sight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VP75GPjI5w

    One of our favorite promos thus far, Camp Sight features an alien abduction gone painfully wrong. If this teaser is representative of Season 6, it wouldn’t be the first time AHS has toyed with alien abductions — in Asylum , several characters are abducted by extraterrestrial life. That being said, we think ?6 is going with something a bit more sinister.

  15. Pitch A Fit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9131vyFHPCw

    If the rumors are true, and Season 6 does focus on Roanoke, a lost colony in Virginia , then it’s possible that harvesting could be a major theme.

  16. The Harvest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSsPHTaKgTQ

    OK, maybe a cornstalk monster is a stretch, but it certainly fits the description of rogue.

  17. The Lesson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgL1UJJNb24

    Murphy did tease that Season 6 would have elements of children .

  18. Wind Chimes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no2MoJhwHJ4

    This promo finds a nurse cutting down a wind chime made of teeth and a tiny corn-husk puppet à la The Blair Witch Project with a pair of shears. Subtle and deeply unsettling, this could actually be something, especially if there was foul play suspected in the disappearance of the Lost Colony of Roanoke.

  19. Sunset Stroll https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPU_tiTh4Zg

    We want to believe this one is real because it fulfills one very important Season 6 requirement: children . But the music is very extraterrestrial, and again, we don’t think AHS is going that route this season.

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  20. Lullaby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM8Yy2EWDZY

    More. Creepy. Children. And possibly a return to the Murder House?

  21. The Mist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1GagEHl9tY

    The best teaser of the bunch may actually be the missing link we've been searching for all along. The sepia-toned teaser depicts a mysterious, four-legged creature crawling on a railroad track out of a fog. It’s rogue. It’s dark. It’s sinister and foreboding. And according to TV Guide magazine , the sixth installment of the horror anthology is reportedly called American Horror Story: The Mist . (Then again, maybe not .) Either way, it’s the most inspired teaser of the bunch.