This Twerking Turtle Must Be Stopped

This Twerking Turtle Must Be Stopped

This past weekend, a video of a turtle reportedly 'twerking' to Jason Derulo's 'Wiggle' under a water faucet hit YouTube, and the devastating effects of his much-publicized indiscretion are already palpable.

According to the Completely Fictional Center For Turtle Health And Well-Being, twerking among turtles is up 31 percent in the 18-49 year old demographic since the video's upload on Saturday (October 18).

Perhaps even more concerning, a shocking 57 percent rise in twerk-related activity has been documented in the under-18 set of impressionable, hard-shelled youths.

This increase comes at the cost of a variety of turtle activities, like turtle-homework, turtle-prayer group, turtle-recycling and turtle-remembering to call your mother. And turtle experts -- a noted field of professionals I'm certainly not making up right now for the purposes of satire -- fear that this phenomenon will only continue.

When reached for comment, one turtle expert had this to say:

Perhaps we're already too late.

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